Welcome back …

surprise!

Welcome back everyone. Thanks for checking in; and, no, that’s definitely a joke. I’m not planning any world tours, at least at the moment; although I could probably use one about now since this is the third time I’ve rewritten this post and relaxing on a warm beach somewhere would be a lot more fun.

The first time I wrote this it was mostly about the story. The second time was mostly about me and some of the pressures I’ve been trying to sort through about where to publish the story. Who knows what you’ll get this time. We’re definitely going to be doing the stream of consciousness thing and you know how I like to babble on when I do something like this.

But, yeah, if you’re independently wealthy, like traveling to warm climates and are in need of a boy toy, send me an itinerary and we can talk about it 🙂

Okay,enough of that; I guess we should begin with the story itself and that’s easy enough. There’s good news and bad news. The good news is that we have a story, at least the first draft of one. The bad news is that it needs more work so I’m going to have to ask you to be patient and give me more time. If you want, you can stop reading right here and check back in May 1st.

Writing this story has been a lot of fun for me personally and the whole thing has just kind of exploded. At the moment, we’re looking at fifty-one chapters spread over five parts and four years; and possibly a brief prologue and epilogue as well although I am still kind of undecided about those. But, in terms of the length, nothing is set in concrete as there are some parts of the story I’m rewriting and others I may toss out entirely.

Many of the chapters are actually in pretty good shape. Some are among the best I’ve ever written, at least I think so. But when you write like I do, letting the characters lead me wherever they want to go rather than working from a detailed outline that takes you from beginning to end, there are times when internal contradictions and inconsistencies develop along the way.

It’s important to go back and resolve those and also to smooth over some of the rough spots that inevitably develop along the way. Because of the size of the story, moreover, and the fact that it deals with a team sport like baseball, this story had a huge cast of characters and teams.

While I name them as they first appear, I also tend to change my mind and rename them along the way as the story proceeds. That’s something else I need to go back and fix. And then there’s all the tedious work of translating the story into different formats (html, pdf) and getting it uploaded to WordPress if I decide to post it here, which I probably will.

All of this is going to take time to sort out so I am going to ask you to check back on May 1st and I realize some of you won’t, which saddens me. But in the end I’m kind of an audience of one and I can’t post something until I decide it’s good enough for me.

What about the story itself? Like I said, it’s been fun to write and I think it’s a pretty good one, but that’s for each of you to decide. The story has two main characters and the different parts are told from their different perspectives, with the chapters in Part I alternating between what each of them is feeling and experiencing as they are about to go their separate ways in life.

In addition to the two main characters, there are many more colorful and interesting secondary characters. We also have lots of baseball teams in all different kinds of leagues; and the story itself takes place in multiple locations. Parts I and II take place sometime in the last few years while Parts III thru V take place four years later.

At a personal level, I suppose my biggest disappointment is that my two lesbian characters are probably not going to get developed in the kind of way I had initially hoped for. None of you ladies out there volunteered to help me out and I don’t want these girls to end up as some dude’s caricature of lesbianism.

But the girls are there and they play a positive role in the story, just a little more modest than I originally hoped they would. One of the girls is also involved in a mysterious relationship with a bisexual dude. I had some trouble with him as well because initially I wasn’t certain what kind of person he was. But I think I’ve pretty much resolved that now and hopefully he’ll come across as the interesting character he is.

Part IV has been perhaps the hardest to write; partly that’s because it deals with some issues I may not be the best equipped to write about, like loneliness and some of the consequences that can result from that. It also deals with some sexual issues that need to be treated sensitively. Whether I’ve gotten this part exactly right is hard to say at the moment. I doubt it; and it may be that I’ll never get it just right.

One of the things I’ve learned along the way is that no story is ever perfect. You can always make a story better depending on how much time and energy you’re willing to invest. But if you insist on perfection, you’ll never post anything at all. Writing is definitely a balancing act that way.

If I had to sum it all up, I think this could be my best story ever, but I’m the author after all and I’m biased so you’ll have to decide for yourself if you’re patient and decide to come back on May 1st. What I like about the story is it’s mostly fun and light-heated, but with some tears, a few tugs at the heart, a fair amount of sex, and a few more serious issues tossed in along the way.

Think Part I of Connected transplanted from Vermont to a beachfront community and some baseball diamonds in different locales. While there are no wars lurking in the background and no big political issues being addressed, there may be some issues I think gay people struggle with at times, at least some gay people. As the story progresses, for example, one of the characters becomes lonelier and lonelier and that has consequences for him.

Trying to get that right without going off the deep end is challenging and I’m not sure where things stand exactly at this point. I’ll try to do my best to avoid tumbling over the precipice into darkness, but there’s something about cliffs that have always intrigued me.

At the moment we’re just kind of standing there at the precipice trying to decide whether to jump or whether to take off our clothes and go back to just having some fun. But then again I’ve never had sex in mid-air so that could be interesting as well 🙂

The sex is also a little different from what you’re used to from me. While mostly gay plain vanilla, there’s one scene that depicts straight sex and some others that are, um, a bit more unusual and different from what you may be used to.

They may get tossed 🙂

I think a lot of what I said in my last posting still holds true. There’s still a lot of baseball, especially in Parts I and II and the later stages of Part III. There is also some baseball lurking in Parts IV and V, but not as much; at least at the moment.

But the baseball is more about human relationships than about wins and losses in any event, at least that’s the way I’ve been trying to write it. There is a little baseball terminology, I suppose, but I don’t think anyone should have problems following what’s going on. Taking a good look at this picture should be enough to help get you through.

So that’s what I want to say about the story and you’re free to stop reading at this point because mostly the rest of this has to do with me and some of the pressures I’ve been feeling lately as I try to figure out how to publish the story.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I wanted to submit it to a print publisher. I’m not really sure why. I suppose part of it is vanity; part may be the hope of getting it exposed to a broader audience than I can on my web site; but mostly I think it’s about getting paid some royalties that I could then turn around and donate to organizations like the Trevor Foundation that help homeless and runaway boys and girls.

There’s a big need out there that isn’t being met nearly well enough and everyone wants to feel like they can make some kind of difference in life. I’m no exception that way. But if I want to go in that direction, I can’t publish the story here or anywhere else so it’s a big decision.

At the moment I’m thinking I won’t submit it to a print publisher. Yeah, I have an ego like everyone else, but I really don’t need to see my name or picture on a book cover to validate my worth as a person. I’m actually a pretty modest and private person, especially given how devastatingly good looking I am.

That’s a joke, people; feel free to laugh 🙂

Professional art work might be nice, but I’m not sure how much say I would have in that. It’s also hard to know exactly how much larger an audience the book would get. I realize some people can’t afford to purchase books or perhaps couldn’t bring a book like one of mine home or whatever.

But mostly I’m just not convinced that the royalties I make would amount to a hill of beans in terms of my ability to help homeless and runaway LGBT kids. I help in other ways. And knowing publishers are in the business to make money for themselves primarily, not for authors, maybe just making another appeal to my readers would raise as much as any royalties I might receive.

I’ll never know for sure, but I’ll just ask you to take another look at this posting and this one and see if there is something more you could find it in your heart to do to help these kids. I don’t have a lot of money myself; but if you can and you e-mail me and tell how much, I’ll do my best to match whatever you donate. It would be nice to know this appeal has had an effect with someone.

There are also downsides with print publishers. For one thing, all the time you have to invest in something other than actually writing and perhaps some self-imposed pressures to produce the kind of cartoon characters some gay authors do; wholesome but ultimately plastic kids who just happen to be gay and for whom being gay isn’t really very important to the story.

Yeah, it’s nice you can sell the movie rights because characters like that are so non-threatening to straight America. But it makes me gag to be honest.

It’s kind of hard to believe, but less than two years ago I was staring at my computer screen just writing to please myself. I didn’t have any readers. I was an audience of one and I didn’t have to spend time translating what I wrote into different formats and uploading it to a site like WordPress or thinking about where I was going to publish something.

I could just write; and when I ran into a stumbling block along the way, I could just set whatever I was writing aside for six months or a year and then come back to it later with a fresh set of eyes and go work on some other story that interested me.

There’s still a certain seductiveness to that and there are times when I’m tempted to pack it all in and go back to doing things that way. And then I read something I wrote and it makes me laugh or cry and I wonder whether it could have the same effect on other people.

Wouldn’t that be awesome if I could make another human being laugh or cry like that, Kit? I ask myself.

And that makes me realize I do have some loyal readers that seem to enjoy what I write and I feel humbled by that and want to share what I write with you for free. There are many times when I stumble as a writer and you never complain. You keep giving me another chance and I am so grateful to you for that.

And, to be honest, my stories probably read better as a series of weekly installments than taken as a whole. So at the moment I’m inclined to think I’ll just keep publishing here like I have in the past. It’s been a long journey getting to this point and I’m not promising. But that’s what I think I’m going to do so I don’t feel like it will be a waste of your time to come back May 1st and see where things stand at that point.

I think I’ll be a lot closer to starting to post at that time.

I suppose the other big news is I plan to take a last name. From now on, I’m going to be calling myself Kit McKeirnan. But before you rush off to google me, be aware that it’s still a pseudonym. I’m trying to grow up and become a little more mature; and while Kitkatkid is a fine enough nickname, it seems kind of immature.

So hopefully you’ll humor my little effort to portray myself as someone responsible and mature, perhaps even kind of hip. By the way, that reference to hip is an inside joke you’ll learn more about in Part IV of the story. In any event, I’ll try to avoid going all Hollywood on you 🙂

And hopefully I’ll be able to tell you more about plans for the story by May 1st so please be sure to check back in then if you’re still interested in reading it.

Sorry that naked picture of me still hasn’t made it into one of these postings, Dean. How about May 1st? Or am I beginning to sound like Lucy holding the football for good old Charlie Brown?

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2 thoughts on “Welcome back …

  1. Sweet shy Kit. Maybe your readers should start sending our naked pics to ease your anxiety.

    I miss you and it’s my fault. Gotta drop into the Cafe more often. Spring beckons and I’m eager to get outside, hands in the dirt. Gardens are bursting with buds. I’ll be here on May 1st awaiting your masterpiece. And the new story, too. 🙂

    1. Um, that would be a no to the pics unless they’re ones of the garden and a yes to stopping by the joint more often. It provides the illusion that I actually have some readers.

      Shy? Me? I’m just trying to find the right picture for you, Dean. Me in the handcuffs? Me in drag? It’s just so hard to decide 🙂

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